Television

The most important thing we've learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set --
Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs

Dear friends, we surely all agree

'Dear friends, we surely all agree
There's almost nothing worse to see
Than some repulsive little bum
Who's always chewing chewing gum.
(It's very near as bad as those
Who sit around and pick the nose).
So please believe us when we say
That chewing gum will never pay;
This sticky habit's bound to send
The chewer to a sticky end.
Did any of you ever know
A person called Miss Bigelow?
This dreadful

I Want It Now

Gooses, geesesI want my geese to lay gold eggs for easterAt least a hundred a dayAnd by the wayI want a feastI want a bean feastCream buns and doughnutsAnd fruitcake with no nutsSo good you could go nutsNo, nowI want a ballI want a partyPink macaroonsAnd a million balloonsAnd performing baboons andGive it to me nowI want the worldI want the whole worldI want to lock itAll up in my pocketIt's my

Attention please! Attention please!

'Attention please! Attention please!
Don't dare to talk! Don't dare to sneeze!
Don't doze or daydream! Stay awake!
Your health, your very life's at stake!
Ho'ho, you say, they can't mean me.
Ha'ha, we answer, wait and see.

Did any of you ever meet
A child called Goldie Pinklesweet?
Who on her seventh birthday went
To stay with Granny down in Kent.
At lunchtime on the second day
Of dearest